I have been holding it together pretty good lately, but tonight I feel like I need to vent a little. I think that moms have this little secret weapon of being able to coordinate things and organize things and just step up, put emotions aside and get things done. That is atleast what I have been doing for the past week. Tonight I finally allowed my self to breakdown a little. I was actually at Costco and I had a flood of emotion come over me. I just couldn't keep it in any longer. Even though Bridger is doing so well and will be released soon, we are still not out of the woods. There is still the unknown of what really is wrong with him. Does he actually have some kind of syndrom, will he walk funny or not grow all the way? These are questions that are flooding my brain and I won't have any sort of answer until we meet with the Orthopedic Surgeon. The doctors at McKay seem to think that he is going to be just fine and be a normal little boy, but I just can't fight this feeling deep down in side that this little journey of ours isn't over yet.
I just want everybody to know that I truely do feel your prayers and I am so thankful for all the well wishes. Please keep the prayers coming because I seem to be too exhausted and a little bitter to pray myself. Im so frustrated and confused by why this is all happening and I have so much anxiety about the future. So like I said before, I need your prayers. That is what is getting me through the day at this point.
Now on a lighter note -- Here are some pics from our day.
I got in there today and took his temperature and changed his poopy diaper.....twice! Tonight we were able to give him a little sponge bath and I held him for a couple hours. I just couldn't let him go.
We came in this morning to Bridger taking in a little sun! He had a little jaundice so they had to put him under the lights. by this evening, his numbers were back to normal and he no longer had to be under the lights.
I got in there today and took his temperature and changed his poopy diaper.....twice! Tonight we were able to give him a little sponge bath and I held him for a couple hours. I just couldn't let him go.
8 comments:
Hang in there Abby! You are doing great.... and you are like Wonder Woman! I think that it is completly normal to have these concerns..... Just know that everyone is here for you and your family! Let me know if you need anything or if you want me to walk next door so you can let it all out! Lots of love and prayers (yes, I pray)
Carrie & Family
Oh Abby, I'm so sorry you are going through this! Sometimes breaking down and letting out a good cry is the best thing, I know it helps me. As Mom's we try to be strong, but sometimes we need to let others be strong for us. Bridger and yourself have been in my prayers, and will continue to be. Lots of love!!
Wow, what a rollercoaster. I will definately pray for you and Bridger. He is so cute! What a sweet baby. I hope that you get him home soon and that physical therapy starts helping soon.
Liz
I can't even imagine what all of this would feel like, the fear of the unknown is probably the worst I am sure. Just know that there is a reason for everything and sometimes it really sucks but you end up being a better person for it.
i'm teary eyed after catching up on here. fear of the unknown is paralyzing and my heart goes out to you. little bridger is so sweet and loved and finally here, and there are lots of prayers coming to him and you. love you much.
abs, i know that even though it is possible to push things aside and be "supermom", it is not always easy. that being said, i know that you and your little guy are not forgotten. i know heavenly father loves you. i know he hears even the simplest of prayers. even if they are just in the heart. i have been thinking of you my sweet dear friend. i love you so very much. you are like a sister to me. i hope you know that i am thinking and praying for you, bridger, and your little family. i know how hard it is to not have everything how you planned. but i also have to say, when i look at these pictures of your sweet, innocent, adorable little boy, i can't help smile (and cry :P) at what a gift he really is :) he's just an absolute angel. he's fighting hard. and i know God is with him :) I LOVE YOU ABBY!!! please let me know if you need something. even just someone to talk to. everyone needs to vent sometimes :) call me!! :) xoxo
Oh, Abby. I've been thinking about you and the little guy so much. You can't let yourself get down and think that you're not a supermom. You are just that...a SUPER MOM! Heavenly Father knew he was sending a very special spirit to a home full of love, if he didn't think you would be a super mom for Bridger he wouldn't have come to you. On that note, you have to remember you have the raging post birth hormone thing going on. I can't believe you made it this long without a little breakdown. I remember, after Hannah was born, hiding in my closet to cry because I thought I was a nut case and didn't want anyone to see me! (Ask your mom about the day she found me crying in the middle of a HUGE pile of clean laundry.) Your emotions are normal and with the circumstances, totally understandable. Just remember there are many of us praying for you and little Bridger. We have already seen miracles with him, I pray they continue. Know that Heavenly Father knows you and your needs and he is watching over your family. If there is one thing I have learned in the past years it is that no matter what happens God loves me, knows me and is there for me--especially in times of trial. He is the same for you. Love you tons. Wish we were closer, let me know if there is anything I can do.
val
I can't say anything to make the situation better, but I do want you to know that we're praying for you guys. My mom keeps asking for updates, too. You have a lot of people behind you. Bridger has left Heavenly Father's presence but He still has custody over him. I know you aren't forgotten. Bridger is so lucky to come to you. I don't live far, let me know if you ever need anything,
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